11 of the worst times your period decides to arrive
The only thing worse than a late period is an early one, amiright ladies? An unexpected visit from your flow can have you caught all kinds of unprepared.
Of course, this never seems to happen when you’re home in your own bathroom, within easy reach of a multipack of tampons. OF COURSE it doesn’t. Instead your period betrays you and arrives at the worst possible moment. For example…
1. When you’re sleeping at your friend’s house
Bloodying your own sheets is one thing. Bloodying your mate’s is a whole other, somewhat embarrassing, ballgame – especially when their mum arrives upstairs to change them and ask if you need fresh PJs. Why yes, Carol, that would be great. Now LEAVE.
2. When you’re sleeping at your grandma’s house
Sure, Grandma is sympathetic, but she hasn’t had a period since 1989. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TAMPONS! She’ll probably cut up a towel and make you shove a bit in your knickers until she makes it to the shops and back with your supplies. Sigh.
3. When you’re on a plane
That window seat seems like a great catch until you need to escape to the bathroom at speed and the two people beside you are sound asleep. They won’t take kindly to you climbing over them, either; not least because they’ll wake up to your bloody crotch in their faces.
4. When you’re on the beach
When will beaches start providing more public toilets, eh? And even if there are facilities, that won’t stop all your guy mates asking why you can’t just pee in the sea, then starting rumours about you pooing at the beach. If only they knew the pain and suffering you were going through. Meh.
5. When you’re camping
What was that you read about bears being able to smell blood?
6. When you’re wearing white jeans
Not only are your jeans ruined, but so is your self-esteem. Thanks, womb lining.
7. When you’re in the middle of an extra-long assembly at school
You know if you stand up and try to run to the bathroom the head teacher will ask you – in front of the entire school – where you’re going. And you know if they ask you that you’ll burst into tears. Hormones are evil.
8. When you’re in the middle of a really long hockey game
You can’t lose this match, but you also can’t focus on your stick work for worrying blood is going to start trickling down your leg soon.
9. When you’re having your birthday party
Someone else’s birthday party = unfortunate. Your own birthday party = just plain torture.
10. When you’ve just changed your sheets
You didn’t spend half an hour trying to change your duvet colour, only for it to be stained red hours later.
11. Anytime other than when you expected it
Please stick to the schedule, period. Didn’t we have a deal?