23 thoughts you have when you cut your ankle in the shower
Every. Single. Time. RIP, best white towel.
- I really cba to shower.
- Fine I’ll shower.
- I am never leaving the shower. I am at one with the water.
- Where’s my shaver?
- Over the other side of the bathroom. Of course it is.
*gingerly gets out of shower and leans to grab razor, nearly slipping and making the bath sound like it’s farting, you know the one*
- La, la, la, this is easy, I can barely feel the blade on my legs.
- Why are the hairs under my arm so much thicker?
- What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What am I doing on this planet..?
- I love showers.
*looks down *
- GOOD GOD.
- Where did all this blood come from?! Who’s the culprit? SHOW YOURSELF.
- Oh, my ankle, obviously. Not my uterus. Ankle.
- That cut is TINY. I didn’t even FEEL IT.
- I didn’t know there was so much blood in my ankle, isn’t it just bone?
- This is ridiculous. Stop bleeding.
- I’m never shaving my ankles again. They weren’t even hairy. I just like the thrill.
- WHY ARE YOU STILL BLEEDING.
- I’m going to be trapped here forever.
- I’m bleeding out, aren’t I? I’m dying.
“MUUUUU- can I have a plaster, please? And can you pass me some towels? And get me some spinach, I need my iron levels back up.”
- This plaster won’t stick, my skin’s wet.
- Sorry Mum, I need to sacrifice this new white towel. RIP white towel, 2020-2020.
- I can’t wait for cut to scab over. Picky pick pick.
*gets out and dries*23. FFS I FORGOT TO SHAVE MY KNEES.