Things you only know if you have a January birthday
January: a post-Christmas wasteland of detoxes and diets, empty bank accounts and low immune systems. It’s a blip in the calendar, considered by many as the worst month of the year.
It’s also a truly terrible time to have a birthday. Trust me, I have to make the most of it on the 19th of January every year. I think Blue Monday (the most depressing day of the year) landed on it one time. PARTAY!
So what happens if you were born once upon a January? How are you expected to celebrate your birthday during this most miserable time? If you are a Capricorn or early-Aquarius, you might just recognise these things…
No big bash for you
It’s definitely more a case of budget birthday than blow-out birthday for January babes. Everyone is well and truly skint, including you. Remember when Emily took the whole squad to go see Ed Sheeran last year? Yeah, that will never happen for a January birthday. Things are usually low-key, like dinner at Nando’s or having a couple of friends over for a sleepover. Both are great, but not exactly the Gatsby party of the year.
Premature planning is essential
You need to create your Facebook event in late November if you want to ensure everyone’s attendance. December is a no-no, as everybody is too busy Christmas shopping, partying and visiting relatives to click ‘I’m going’. And if you leave it until January, well people might already have plans…probably to sit in front of the TV, wrapped in a duvet, watching Stranger Things and avoiding real life.
‘*Cough cough* I’m sick’
January is the optimal time for cold and flu, so quarantine against that bug that’s going around the class. You don’t want to turn another year older with a drippy nose and chesty cough. Also, always be prepared for last minute dropouts from whatever you have planned – at least 20% of the friendship group will catch the lurgy.
Don’t expect many presents
People – especially family members – like to remind you of what they bought for you at Christmas a few weeks before. They seem to think that this is a viable excuse for not buying you a birthday present in January. It’s not that you’re materialistic or spoilt, but it would be nice to receive something more than an ‘IOU something after pay day’ note in the card from your older brother.
Bad weather blues
January is cold, dark and wet. On a lucky year, you might wake up to snow on your birthday! But this is the UK, so don’t get too excited. The icy temperature locks us in, afraid to step outside the door unless absolutely necessary. This somewhat limits your birthday activities. It’s not like you can have a BBQ, patio party or shopping spree. Choosing something to do indoors in the warmth is essential.
You are a birthday burden
You know nobody is in the mood. You know people resent spending their last pennies on a present for you. You know people find it hard to swallow a mouthful of cake after December’s overindulgences. You know everyone wishes it just wasn’t your birthday right now. Which is why you need to…
It’s still your big day, so make sure you spoil yourself rotten. Give yourself a manicure, order your favourite takeaway with the fam, save some money aside to buy a new outfit or do something really schmancy with your hair – even if you’re just heading to the cinema with your BFFs.
And remember that the people who make the effort to celebrate with you are most probably friends for life, and your family will likely do the best that they can to make sure you have a fun day. So let them shower you with love and laughter, even if they haven’t quite been able to afford the Michael Kors tote that Santa forgot to bring last month.
Oh, and remember to call in your brother’s IOU when he gets paid. Past experience proves that they almost always try to wriggle out of it.