Things you thought were weird about your boobs (that totally aren’t)

Things you thought were weird about your boobs (that totally aren’t)

Boobs can be seriously confusing. Aside from the fact there’s a million different types of bra to dress them with (wtf is a padded halter neck plunging balcony bralet?), and a million different names to call them by (mammaries, knockers, fun bags, jubblies, lovely lady lumps) it can also be pretty tricky to figure out just what they’re actually supposed to look and feel like.

That’s because every gal you know has VERY different boobs. For example, you might be a fully fledged member of the itty bitty titty committee while your BFFs are serious bra-popping bangers and yep, that’s normal.

It’s just a fact of life that they come in all shapes and sizes, and while that does mean that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all template for how boobs should be to be beautiful, it also means that sometimes, you won’t be feeling too sure about them.

Hey, that’s totally okay. We all have boob-related woes and body insecurities every now and again, but the chances are that you’re spending time worrying about something that’s actually way more common than you think.

Seriously, there’ll be millions of girls out there feeling exactly the same as you do, so here’s all things you probably think are weird about your boobs that totally aren’t weird at all.

They haven’t grown yet

Still waiting for the fateful day that your chest transforms from petite pancakes into ultimate cleavage central? Or even just the fist pumping achievement of moving from an AA cup to a B cup? You’re not the only one.

Boobs like to take their time with showing up to the party, but will usually start to grow between the ages of 10-13. Having said that, it’s still totally normal for them to show up early age eight, or fashionably late up to age 16.

It’s all down to your DNA, your growth and the way your body develops naturally, so there’s not a lot you can do about speeding up the process. Once they do start to appear, they all grow at different rates too, so just consider yourself a masterpiece in progress. It’ll happen - and if it doesn’t by your late teens then your GP will be able to help you out.

They’re bigger than everybody else’s

Proving that we always want what we can’t have, the chances are that some girls will also feel pretty self conscious if they happen to have more boobage than everyone else. Us ladies just can’t win, but remember that there is definitely no standard boobie size for any age or any year at school. Don’t stress it, because every body is different.

You might simply be ultra blessed in the breast department and again, it’s an individual thing so you should always be proud of how your body looks. PE lessons, bikini shopping and button-up shirts will be a pain in the bum, but it also means you can experiment with different styles of clothing. Although it’s an annoyingly vague timeline, we promise that everyone around you will catch up sooner or later (and they’ll probs wish they already had).

They’re different sizes

Well this one’s easy to answer, because it’s actual science that more women than not have one bigger than the other. Yep, it’s actually extremely rare for a human to have identical sized boobs, or any kind of symmetrical parts of the body in general for that matter. Particularly when you’re just starting to grow ‘em like tomatoes in a greenhouse, puberty means that either your left or your right side will be the first to make a start on things, causing each of your boobs to grow at different rates throughout your teenage years.

Even when you’re old and grey (like, over 25), it’s likely that there’ll still be a difference in shape and size on each side of your chest when things have levelled out and calmed down. Just make sure that you’re always picking up a bra which accommodates the bigger of the two, okay?

My nipples are a crazy colour

Hands in the air if you’ve ever stood in front of the mirror are just STARED at your nipples because they’re kinda strange and pointless and look like something that we might have in common with alien kind? Same. But, just like the rest of your breast-based area, nipples aren’t something you need to be concerned about.

If you’re convinced that your nips are rocking the wrong colour, it’s worth remembering that your areolas are usually a shade or two darker than your actual skin tone, so they can completely vary on every human being out there. They can go from pale, rosy pink shades all the way through to dark, rich brown tones, and are basically designed to be the perfect boob accessory. The only time you might want to mention it your doctor is if they’re looking redder than usual or feel irritated in any way.

My nipples are the wrong size

Imagine you’re in the supermarket and you’ve got a chocolate biscuit craving. You don’t just head to the snack aisle and find yourself faced with one, boring, lonesome variety, do you? There’s Hobnobs, Digestives, Chocolate Fingers… the lot. Same with nipples, there’s SO many different types, shapes, colours and even sizes that you could be the proud owner of.

Sometimes nipples will be big, sometimes they’ll be small, but they all do the same job. Unless you’re a guy in which case we’re not really sure what they’re for tbh. Remember that your body has developed and custom-made them to be perfectly in proportion and to look just right for you and you alone – not for anybody else.

There’s some hair on them

’Tis a fact of life that women were designed to super slippery, silky smooth, hairless dolphin creatures at all times, right? WRONG. When it comes to body hair, society holds women to a beauty standard that is totally ridiculous, so we often forget that it’s normal to find a bit of fuzz across all sorts of areas of your body – including on your boobs and around your nips.

Hairs around there are totally natural and normal and most girls have a sprinkle of fluff. If it’s something that does bother you then you can gently pluck them with tweezers, but always be careful and don’t overdo it. Having said that, we’d probably rather spend 15 minutes making a sandwich.

FYI: If you’re finding there’s a lot of hair, it might be worth mentioning to your GP just so they can double check that your hormone levels are A-okay.

They’re aching

They’re basically two squishy cushions, they keep you afloat in deep water, they’re fun to squish and poke and prod and they’re generally just cute af – but boobs do also come with a downside. Sometimes they hurt – like, REALLY hurt.

Don’t panic if you’re feeling it, though. Boob ache is totally real and a lot of people find that their boobs become sore, tender, heavy or achy in the run up to their period. It’s kinda part of the deal and just relates to your hormone levels and nerve endings bouncing up and down as your breasts swell and expand a little.

There’s not a whole lot you can do other than take warm baths, make a hot water bottle and treat yourself to a pamper session, but double check that you’re wearing the right bra, too. Get yourself a good sports bra for any high impact exercise like running as the jiggling won’t help, and a bit more support day to day will also help to minimise the heavy, aching feeling.

If the aches and pains are seriously hurting, over-the-counter painkillers will often do the job (ask an adult before you take anything), while a chat with your GP will help to ease your mind.

They don’t look how they’re ‘supposed’ to

And last but not least, here’s your daily reminder that your body is not designed for the purpose of visually pleasing anybody else, and it’s absolutely not supposed to look a certain way. The boobs that we all see in films, fashion campaigns, on models or even in mainstream porn are almost ALWAYS either one specific shape and size rather than a realistic representation. And, like most things in Hollywood, they’re also usually fake. No one’s boobs really look like that IRL.

Contrary to what your head might tell you, not everyone is hiding perfectly round, super perky DD boobs underneath their jumper. Ask any woman you know and they’ll probably tell you that their boobs are in fact a bit saggy, lopsided, covered in stretch marks, triangle shaped and rocking a little bit of hair. In reality, there is no such thing as perfect boobs, and yours are awesome, beautiful and normal whatever they look like. Say it LOUDER for the people in the back.

And it’s also worth remembering for your own confidence that anyone who actually cares about how your boobs or nipples look when you whip your top off probably doesn’t deserve to be close enough to see them tbh. Got that?

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